Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
