when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
