would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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