Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Boobs speak an international language.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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