I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
