Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
