OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
