He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need a beard to bite.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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