I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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