I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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