Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
