Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
