I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
