First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
