im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
