I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
