They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
