i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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