turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
