i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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