paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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