Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
