If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
