i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
