I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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