I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
