It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
