FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
