ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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