I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
