I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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