i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
