one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
