She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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