a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
