If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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