Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
