Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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