just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
