yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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