u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
