what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
