does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
