What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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