The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
