It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
