Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
