We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
