i permit you to call me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize