don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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